Dear Fanfiction
by AmiRide
Summary: Have you ever read a Maximum Ride Fanfiction and thought, "Seriously? What is wrong with the world?" Well, the MaxRide crew have, and boy, do they have a lot to say! Based on the fic "Dear Fanfiction: Harry Potter" by Hungergameslover04.
1. Yours truly, Maximum RIDE

**Hi, guys! This story is based on "Dear Fanfiction: Harry Potter" by Hungergameslover04. Yes, I have permission. Updates will be frequent on this one, since it is already pre-written. Enjoy!**

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Dear Fanfiction,

Hey! I don't see you changing Harry Potter's name! Why do _I_ have to be Max Martinez or Max Batchelder? Maximum Martinez does _not _work. Only drunk people name their kids _Maximum Martinez._ It's just four letters! R-I-D-E. What is so complicated about that? I am the only flock member with a last name! Doesn't that count for something? Oh, and where the heck did the name Jefferson come from? Max _Jefferson?_ Wasn't that a president or something?

Yours truly,

Maximum _Ride_

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**So? Love it? Hate it? Appreciate it?**_  
_

**I mean no disrespect to the people who do this in their stories! I do too, don't worry.**

**Oh, and by the way, I'm a beta reader now. Just forgot to mention it.**

**BYE!**

**~Ami****


	2. Raven? Seriously?

**Yay! Thank you, lovely reviewers. This chapter will be kind of short. I know I promised to update yesterday, but I fell asleep (oops :/). Enjoy!**

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Dear Fanfiction,

My real name is not Raven.

Fly on,

Fang

P.S. Raven? Seriously?

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**For those of you who stalk my profile, there are changes to that too. I realize that I'd put ****_all _****of my siblings' names on the internet, which was a really stupid thing to do. Whoops.**

**REVIEW!**

**BYE!**

**~Ami****


	3. Not a pervert, thank you

**Hey! I love chicken!**

**Angel: o.0**

**Me: Whatever. Just review.**

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If you can find three sexual jokes I made in the whole Maximum Ride series, I will pay you a million dollars.

Sincerely,

Iggy (who is _not _a pervert, thank you)

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**Does this ever seriously annoy anyone else? I mean, come on. Iggy's cynical and sarcastic, but he's not a pervert. ****At least, not in the books. ****I have to say, Iggy is always the most ridiculed Maxride character. Even I do it. **

**Anyways, review!**

**~Ami****


	4. The girl with a PERSONALITY

**Nudge time! Yay!**

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Dear Fanfiction,

Why am I an endless pit of words (not even an intelligent one) whose only goal in life, besides achieving perfect hair, is getting Max and Fang together? They got together by themselves! I am not shallow! Are you implying that you don't obsess over looking nice sometimes? And sure, I talk. But I am an intelligent person! I have interests, and a personality! Besides, I do NOT talk as much as you say! Have you even read the books?

Sincerely,

Nudge (the girl with a personality)

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**Ooh. Burn.**

******Thanks for anyone who reviewed, and feel free to suggest topics for letters!**

**Bye!**

**~Ami****


	5. Forever ignored

**Peanut Butter Gazzy time!**

**Uhh...that was weird. Forget I said that.**

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Dear Fanfiction,

Why am I always ignored?

Sincerely,

The Gasman

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**Aww, poor Gazzy. Even in this fic, his letter's short. Sorry, bud.**

**Seriously though. Even I find myself doing it now.**

**~Ami****


	6. Nail on the head

**Angel at bat!**

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Dear Fanfiction,

You guys seem to forget that I can _read minds_.

Sincerely,

Angel

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**Oh Angel. She always knows how to hit the nail on the head.**

**You guys are awesome reviewers. I promise I will do your suggestions!**

**If you have any suggestions, don't hesitate to review!**

**~Ami****


	7. NOT a slut

**And...SURPRISE LISSA ATTACK!**

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Dear Fanfiction,

Since when am I a slut? Since when? I'm a good girl. I go to church every Sunday. I do my homework. I'm in honor roll. And I flirt with a cute guy and you call me a slut? Since when does liking a guy make you a slut? If you know, please tell me.

Sincerely,

Lissa

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**XD. I laughed so hard while writing this. But the truth is, Lissa isn't a slut. She just delayed the Fax (or sped it up, actually. Maybe we should be grateful to her for making Max realize her feelings), so it's convenient that we have someone who's trying to wedge herself between the Fax, and we hate on her. Same goes for Brigid.**

**Thanks! Mwah!**

**Uh...forget that last part.**

**~Ami****


	8. the real kicker

Dear Fanfiction,

I can be the cutest little girl ever, or the hottest girl you will ever lay eyes on. I have shining black curls and bottomless dark eyes and, alternatively, an adorable smile or entrancing curves. Sometimes, I have a charming personality. Other times, I am sexy and intriguing. The Flock lets me in, or Iggy falls for me. Either way, I always have awesome, amazing powers, better than anything you've ever seen before.

Oh, and the real kicker?

I don't exist.

Sincerely,

Fang's sister

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**Sad, but true. By the way, I don't mean any disrespect to people who do this. **

**And by the way? Go read "Dear Fanfiction: Harry Potter" by Hungergameslover04. It's real funny. :)**

**~Ami****


	9. Remember?

Dear Fanfiction,

We are kids.

Sincerely,

The Flock

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**That basically sums up a whole lot of things, doesn't it?**

**Love all my reviewers and people. I think I might explode from the love.**

**Wait. That might just be my brownie.**

**Whatever. I still love you guys.**

**~Ami****


	10. Girly-girl? No

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm not a girly-girl. Really, I'm not! I might pay attention to how I look, but everyone does that, except for Max! I don't even remember one single mention of me being a girly-girl in any of the books!

Sincerely,

Ella Martinez

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**Two chapters in a day? I am such a boss. :)**

**Reviews are love!**

**~Ami****


	11. The person who is not Max II

Dear Fanfiction,

My name is Maya. MAYA. Say it with me. MA-YA.

Sincerely,

The person who is not Max II

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**I really hate Maya, but I had to include any character I could, right? By the way, does anyone have any suggestions for a Dylan letter? I can't think of one.**

**Anywho, review review review bla bla bla!**

**~Ami****


	12. Not coming back Ever

Dear Fanfiction,

I am dead.

Sincerely,

Ari


	13. Still here

Dear Fanfiction,

What did I do? Why do I keep dying? I mean, Maya and Ari died, and you just keep bringing _them _back? I didn't actually die, so why do you keep killing me? And oh, if I'm going to die, at least give me a cool death. A birdkid like me (or Max :) ) would not choke on chocolate. Come on.

Sincerely,

Dylan

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**Urgh. I hate Dylan. With every fiber of my being. But hey, I need to do every character on this thing.**

**So yes, this is VampiresExplodeInLight's suggestion. Just so you know, I write down all your ideas, so any idea you submit will be used at some point or another. :)**

**And Wolf and MR Lover, sure. You can send me a chapter over DocX, and I will publish it as soon as possible. Thanks!**

**Round two for the flock next! Review!**

**~Ami****


	14. Ever

**Aaaaand...round two for the flock!**

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Dear Fanfiction,

I don't understand what your obsession with incest is, but Mari and Mella will never, ever happen. Ever. Ever. You guys are sick.

Yours truly,

Max

P.S. Ever.

P.P.S. Ever.

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**P.P.P.S Ever.**

**Haha. But incest...*shudder***

**Review and all that poop I say at the end!**

**~Ami****


	15. Not mute

Dear Fanfiction,

I am not an emotionless rock. I talk. I have emotions. Look back at the first few books, and you can actually see a personality.

Fly on,

Fang

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**Aww. Poor Fangles.**

**Suggestions for Dr. M and Anne Walker letters? Virtual cookie if you do.**

**Review!**

**~Ami****


	16. One small detail

Dear Fanfiction,

You always seem to forget one small detail. What was it again? Oh, right. I. Am. Blind.

Sincerely,

Iggy

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**There. He said it.**

**Reviews are love, more reviews are more love! And I love y'all, so you better love me back in the form of a review!**

**I URGE AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO GO READ AND REVIEW "MAYA-HATERS UNITE!" BY RENEE135! WE CO-WROTE IT AND IT'S FRIGGIN AWESOME!**

**Sincerely,**

**~Ami****


	17. EEEW!

Dear Fanfiction,

IGGY? EEEEEWWWWWWW! Why would I EVER like IGGY? You people are so, so sick.

Sincerely,

Nudge

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**And there you have it. Nudge's opinion on Niggy.**

**Anyways, review!**

**~Ami****


	18. Sincerely, Gary

Dear Fanfiction,

My name is not Gary. Aw, why do I even care, anyways? I'm never mentioned.

Sincerely,

Gazzy

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**Aw, poor Gazzy. :(**

**Review!**

**~Ami****


	19. I really didn't help

Dear Fanfiction,

Guys, I'm seven. I am not going to be giving Max relationship advice anytime soon. And I am not trying to set her up with Fang. I think they managed pretty well on their own.

Sincerely,

Angel

P.S. I don't care what James Patterson says. I still have the maturity level of a seven-year-old.

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**Review!**

**~Ami****


	20. She has a life?

Dear Fanfiction,

Contrary to the popular belief, Nudge and I are not best friends. She's a great girl and a great (fake) little sister, but I actually had friends before meeting the Flock. I'm not going to drop them all after finding out that I have a half-sister.

Sincerely,

Ella

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**In the books, Ella always was closest to Max and Iggy. I have a new obsession with friendship Fella, though, and I try to delude myself into thinking that given enough time, Fang and Ella could have a brother-sister relationship.**

**Eh. Who am I kidding?**

**Anyways, review!**

**~Ami****


	21. Would we? No

Dear Fanfiction,

Why—why—would we ever want to be scientists? Does the fact that we were tortured as children by sicko scientists not ring a bell? We were raised in friggin dog crates. Why are you people so sick?

Sincerely,

The Flock

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**Although Dylan likes science...**

**Jeb suggestions? I need 'em! This is going to be my last update for a while, because I'm going on vacation! WOOT WOOT! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HANUKKAH AND KWANZA TO ALL OF YOU!**

**~Ami****


	22. No NO

Dear Fanfiction,

We are not twins. We are not friends. We do not even want anything to do with each other. And we are certainly NOT in a relationship, you sick humans.

Sincerely,

Max and Maya

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**Twincest? Maxa? Yeah, t****hey hate each other. I have a Max/Maya sisters fic, I admit it. I just like toying with the idea of Max and Maya being twins.**

**~Ami****


	23. Is that even a sport?

Dear Fanfiction,

I have never met anyone named Dylan, nor have I ever played 'tonsil hockey' with him, whatever that means.

Yours Truly,

Lissa

P.S. Do I have to keep reminding you that I am not a slut?

* * *

**Another surprise Lissa attack! AAAAH!**

**Review!**

**~Ami****


	24. No Comprendo

Dear Fanfiction,

I don't speak Spanish. The only Spanish _I_'ve ever learned is what I've gathered from Dora.

Sincerely-o,

El Maximum Ride


	25. Obsidian dark beautiful pits of darkness

Dear Fanfiction,

I have black eyes. Not 'beautiful pits of darkness' or 'dark orbs.' Black eyes. That's all there is to it. And they are not flecked with blue/green.

Fly on,

Fang

P.S. Obsidian dark beautiful pits of darkness-like orbs is also included in the list of things my black eyes are not.


	26. Ig (very macho straight handsome) gy

Dear Fanfiction,

Can I just clarify something here? Good.

I AM NOT GAY. Why am I always the gay person? If you haven't noticed, I like Ella, not Fang! I don't know what the big deal bout Fang is. Yes, he has black hair, and yes he has beautiful bottomless pits of dark-like orbs of velvet night darkness flecked with gold, green, blue, and sexy (you have no idea how much it bothers him when I tease him about that), but that does not mean that I, as a very much straight guy, think they are attractive. Because while I have no problem with gay people, I'M NOT ONE. SO STOP. Besides, Gazzy's descriptions of beach bunnies are to good to pass up.

Sincerely,

Ig(very macho man straight guy handsome)gy


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